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5 Worst Car Names Ever

Photo by WikiCommons

In case you haven’t noticed, cars are everywhere. On our streets, in our garages, selling drugs to kids on the school playgrounds, everywhere. There are many car that are obvious why they were made, they are sleek and beautiful (such as the DeLorean). Some though are piles of shit (such as the Reliant Robin, see photo at bottom). You notice them while driving. They may be riding on four spare tires, spouting black smoke like a power plant or covered in decals to the point where even the driver can’t see out the windshield.

Or, they may be sporting a bad name. There are hundreds of poorly named vehicles out there. I went through all of them, wrote them down longhand, rearranged them, placed them in order of horribleness, wrote them longhand again for some reason and then narrowed the list down to the five worst.

So here we are, after literally minutes of searching the internet for car names, the five worst car names ever:

(All Photos by WikiCommons)

  1. Toyota Yaris
"Step into my Yaris." Is a line that will surely get you arrested. Photo by WikiCommons

“Step into my Yaris.” Is a line that will surely get you arrested.

Yaris? What does that even mean. I think Toyota needs stupid names to make the good ones in their lineup better. I think Tacoma, Tundra and Civic are pretty good but it might be because they are sitting next to the Yaris. Ugh.

  1. Mazda Bongo
It's like a classic VW Bus that everyone loves, except without any of the charm or appeal. Photo by WikiCommons

It’s like a classic VW Bus that everyone loves, except without any of the charm or appeal.

I’m pretty sure the sales pitch on this name was “If you put two of them side by side, you could play music on them.” With the response being, “You could also scare off any attractive females within a two mile radius”, which is probably how far the car with go before it breaks down.

  1. Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard
"Would you like to see my Wizard?" is not something you should be saying in bars. Photo by WikiCommons

“Would you like to see my Wizard?” is not something you should be asking in bars.

This was either top five worst names ever or #6 on the best names ever, because I’m still on the fence whether it’s geniuses or just stupid. No car should have a name that’s longer than two words, that’s a philosophy that I live by, and you should to. The world would be a better place.

  1. Yugo
How was "Where to we put someone if we have to arrest them?" not the first question asked when this baby was unveiled. Photo by WikiCommons

How was “Where do we put someone if we have to arrest them?” not the first question asked when this baby was unveiled.

This must have been the car makers grandmother’s name who was a saint, I don’t see any other reason to name a car after it, so sorry if this offends anyone but it’s going on the list. But Yugo? Come on.

  1. Ford Probe
"1st generation baby." Is not something you should be bragging about.

“1st generation baby.” Is not something you should be bragging about.

It had to be. You don’t name a car after something that historically goes into your butt. You just don’t.

 

As promised….. I give you the Reliant Robin:

What a stupid name. Hey! Maybe this should go on the list!!

What a stupid name. Hey! Maybe this should go on the list!!

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