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5 Things You Should Never Do On The Honeymoon

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Honeymoons are amazing. And before you even start, no, filing a joint tax return is not the best part of getting married, it’s definitely the honeymoon. It’s a week or more of sitting on a beach together as a married couple for the first time. There’s no agenda, no responsibilities and no one to tell you what to do (that comes later).

It’s a time to sit back and enjoy each other’s company. The ceremony is over, all the planning is done, after making all the big decisions for the wedding now the biggest one you have to make is if you want another Pina Colada or switch to Margaritas. I say you have one more Pina Colada. Hell, it’s your honeymoon, go crazy.

Don’t go too crazy though, this is a time to enjoy each other, it should not be a time to drop a bomb on your new life partner. There are some things you should to on a honeymoon, such as relax and get massages. There are most definitely things you should never do on the honeymoon, such as these five things:

  • Don’t bring up your children for the first time.
Yes, these are all my children. No, I don't remember all their names.

Yes, these are all my children. No, I don’t remember all their names.

Don’t get me wrong, children are great, they just shouldn’t be a topic of conversation on the honeymoon. Especially when it’s the first time they are mentioned.

  • Don’t book a round of golf for yourself each day.
Also, don't wear these clothes.

Also, don’t wear these clothes.

Golf can be fun, I get it. But the point of the honeymoon is to be together as a married couple for the first time. It’s not to get away by yourself on the links (golfer slang for golf course). If you feel you already need some space on the third day of married life then you’re in trouble.

  • Don’t bring out the handcuffs and whips unannounced.
I just hit you with this thing a couple of time. I promise, you'll love it!!

I just hit you with this thing a couple of times. I promise, you’ll love it!!

This is a tough situation. If you waited til marriage to make love for the first time (or even if you didn’t), you might want to wait a little longer to reveal you’re into bondage. Don’t assume it’s a fun activity for everyone. Some people (most people) don’t like to be restrained. Wait a year and start dropping casual hints until your partner brings it up, then you can act like it was their idea. Of course, if you met in a bondage chatroom then bring an extra pair of handcuffs, but that goes without saying.

  • Don’t tell the boat captain that your wife is in the bathroom if she’s actually still in the water.
"Oh right sir, still in the water, I got you." Wink wink.

“Oh right sir, still in the water, I got you.” Wink wink.

Leaving your wife to drown is never a good idea no matter how long you’ve been together. Just because you tell the police you THOUGHT she was in the bathroom is not going to get you off the hook.

  • Don’t surprise your partner with the news you invited your family.
I swear, they are tons of fun. Just look at this photo of them.

I swear, they are tons of fun. Just look at this photo of them.

In fact, there really shouldn’t be any surprises on the honeymoon. This is not a time to find things out about each other. The more you find out, the greater the chances of a fight. And the honeymoon is most definitely not a time to fight.

 

All Photos by Wikicommons!!

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