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the sweet taste of dog food

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5 Questions That Have Never Been Asked

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All photos provided by wikicommons!!

We all know the saying that there are no stupid questions. There are however questions that are so stupid they have never been asked. Things that people wouldn’t be caught dead asking because they are so bad their relatives would have no choice but to use it as their epitaph.

We also all have dumb friends. They constantly amaze us with the stupid shit that comes out of their mouths. The fact that you have never heard the five questions below from those people prove they are questions too idiotic to be spoken aloud.

  • Which Nickelback album should we listen to?
Even the camera won't focus on them.

Even the camera won’t focus on them.

I know Nickelback has gotten their share of hate in the media, but none of it has come from me and I really want to join in. I don’t know anyone who likes them but they just keep sticking around, much like the Kardashians.

  • Can you help me fish my phone out of the toilet?
"Yeah, it fell down there. Don't worry it's right on top of all the poop. I can see it, hurry, someone is calling me."

“Yeah, it fell down there. Don’t worry it’s right on top of all the poop. I can see it, hurry, someone is calling me.”

It’s a major fear of mine to drop my phone in the toilet. It’s right up there with bears and alligators, neither of which live anywhere near me, luckily. I’m sure it happens a lot too but no one is going to admit they dropped their phone in a toilet, especially after taking a call on it.

  • Does this dog food taste as good as I think it does?
Oh man, it just looks so appetizing.

Oh man, it just looks so appetizing.

We’ve all been curious, but no one over the age of two has confessed to actually trying dog food (two years olds can’t talk right?). It’s fine if you do but I wouldn’t be telling anyone about it, especially if you don’t have a dog.

  • I once rode a horse with no pants on, it was really nice.
See, I couldn't find a pantsless person riding a horse. It just doesn't happen.

See, I couldn’t find a pantsless person riding a horse. It just doesn’t happen.

I know this isn’t a question but I don’t see this statement ever being uttered in the history of mankind, or horsekind for that matter. 

  • I would love another, do we have any more Smirnoff Ice?
This is what you want to do after you accidentally take a sip thinking it was your beer.

This is what you want to do after you accidentally take a sip thinking it was your beer.

They’re gross, even when you were 18 and it was the only thing you could get your hands on they were gross. It’s fermented sugar water with a hint of urine. Don’t act like you want another one. The only reason this would be an appropriate question is if you girlfriend’s grandmother bought you a six pack because she thought they were cool and you were just trying to impress her (on that thought, all these questions are acceptable under those conditions).